Here!

Since I am ashamed of the fact that I have ignored this wonderful site for so long, I am just going to play dumb and act like I’ve been here the whole time.

Number one: I hate summer. I. Hate. Summer. Not my friend Summer, I think she’s cool. But the season is miserable. Like, I want to go into a three month coma and wake up right before my birthday when things start cooling off again. Speaking of my birthday, this year I am turning a year closer to 30. I am terrified. First off, that means that people’s expectations regarding my maturity will increase. Second off, that means that I will realize, yet again, that my dadgum biological clock is ticking and I am this much closer to being the old lady on the corner with 104 cats that have not been spayed or neutered and my house will just be filled with litter boxes, roaches, fast food sacks, glasses with old milk, and I will probably weigh about 800 pounds and then I will be on TV because someone will think it’s good quality entertainment to show America my messy house, crazy cats, and then they will lift me out of my bed with a gigantic crane and carry me to the hospital so I can get gastric bypass. And in the meantime, someone will be bathing me with a rag while I sit in my bed and I will be embarrassed and my family will disown me. And when the interview crew asks to speak to them, they will tell everyone that I self medicated with food and the reason I have so many cats is because I just love to cuddle but no one else wants to cuddle with me. And since cats are too judgmental and I don’t have to take them outside to potty, it just worked out for me. And they will tell everyone that I had fish once, but they all died within five hours of bringing them home and it traumatized me and it was more than likely what started pushing me over the edge and into this horrible place in my life. And then I will cry and ask for a whole cake and watch as the Humane Society steals all my precious kitties. Happy 27th birthday to me, right??

Number two: I am going to see the greatest American band ever in one week from today. This will be my fourth time to see Wilco, and I am so excited about it that you would think I was still a Wilco Concert Virgin. That’s what happens when it’s good, folks. It’s like the first time EVERY TIME. Oh baby.

Number three: I am moving in exactly 8 weeks to a cute little house that has been renovated by one of my bff’s. You know what it has? A yard!! You have no idea how excited about that I am! So now, when I have company over and Joey starts to embarrass me, I can kick her outside and not worry about a city bus hitting her! That’s because this house is in the middle of a small town south of Tulsa. I will no longer be living on the busiest street in the city. And! Guess what else! It is THREE blocks from the fire station. This is seriously the best thing that has ever happened to me. I get a yard, a house with hardwood floors, and eye candy. And I’ll also be saving a crap ton of money on rent which means even more shoes. Jesus really does love me. No but seriously, I feel very blessed at this point in my life.

Dan makes me mad.

Today I was browsing around Facebook when I came across this comment on a friends profile. I have no idea who the person is who left it. Please read and re-read:

“Hehehe, the new hottie is Dan. I met him at church back in October. Turns out he grew up down the street from me but I didn’t know him because he was 4.5 years older than me. Also turns out that we were both living in LA at the same time, me at Biola, he at USC for the DDS program. He’s now a dentist with his family’s firm, preparing to take it over when his dad retires. He owns a house. He has two cars, including but not limited to a 1965 Shelby Cobra. He has a puppy named Rusty. Aside from the superficial, he’s an amazing listener, he’s funny, teases me, opens the door for me, is a spiritual leader, protects me, and is ridiculously amazing. “

REALLY???? SERIOUSLY???? I can’t even find a guy to date that can remember my last name.

I’m not bitter. Nope. Not at all.

Shortest post ever

It’s time to refocus. That’s all I have to say.

Throwing you for a loop

This particular post you are about to read (or not read, depending on how boring it is) is not something typical of me. I have stated once or maybe twice that my spiritual life is very important to me. But I don’t normally go into any sort of detail unless I am asked. I don’t want to push my beliefs onto others. You want to sit and have a cup of coffee or a beer and discuss it though? I’m game! This is something I LOVE to talk about, I just don’t feel like I get to very often. Hence, the blog post.

When I was little, my dad was a pastor and every night before I went to bed, we would sit on the couch and read one Bible story. Then he would kiss me goodnight and I would head off to sleep and not question one word that was read to me. I miss that so much! Because the older I got, the more confused I became over this one particular event in the Old Testament. The Old Testament, to me, is already a challenge as it is and that is why I have such a passion for it. I would much rather sit and dissect that than the New Testament any day. Not that I don’t like the New Testament, because um, well, without that second part of the Bible I believe I would be, not just screwed but royally fucked. See? I say cuss words. But at least I’m honest, right? I mean, screwed just isn’t a big enough word. Sorry if that offends anyone. I love to sit and analyze Romans. And Hebrews? One of my favorites. But the OT is just so extreme. I mean, God was pissed through a lot of it. And the things that happened? On the outside they are just some dude magically splitting the Red Sea. And some other dude who threw a stone at a giant and killed him and then later in life became a king and sat on his roof and wrote a bunch of songs. But when you really get in there and dig and analyze and pull it apart? Whoa. It can be insane. “Splitting the Red Sea” can be symbolic for a lot of things we come across in our everyday struggles.

Back to the event that has always baffled me though (Exodus 32). I have always sat and read about how God and Jacob wrestled and you know what? I just didn’t get it. Why? WHY? Why in the world would God come down and wrestle with him all night long? Especially because, at this point in time, Jacob is on his way to make amends with his brother, Esau. And it’s because Jacob had done a really crappy thing way before then and he had stolen Esau’s birthright. So I mean I read this and I’m all “Dude. Seriously. Jacob did a crappy thing and all, but why are you wrestling with him now?? Why didn’t you do this a long time ago?” Jacob’s all trying to make things right and God has to go and make it even harder on him. And then to top it off, God has to mess up Jacob’s hip in the process. Crappy!

So I was sitting in  my living room the other night going over this again. And again. And again. And then I thought, “I really really wish my grandpa was still alive so I could call him and ask what the CRAP is going on here. I am 26 and I still am not understanding this and that’s just sad and embarrassing because this is one of those common stories in the OT that everyone knows and somehow understands but I just don’t get it.” I wanted to cry. So, instead of calling Grandpa, because he’s in Heaven and plus I bet he would just laugh at me and say something like “haha! I know the answer and YOU DON’T!” I called my dad.
My dad’s personality is similar to Grandpa’s so when I read him what I was looking at and said that I didn’t understand he was all “Well. I don’t see what you don’t understand. It’s pretty self explanatory”. What?? Really? AM I REALLY THAT STUPID???
He proceeded to answer my questions with answers like “that’s just the way it happened” and “don’t you know the story?”. After getting really frustrated with him I finally gave him very detailed questions. Yes, I knew the story. Yes, I knew the circumstances that led up to this. Yes, I know what the name Jacob means. Yes, I know what happens after this. What I don’t know is why now? Why did God do this now??
And then Dad said one little thing and everything clicked. It was like I had finally found my other shoe. One was under the coffee table in my living room and the other one was buried under the pile of clothes in my bathroom and I finally had both of them in my hands!
This is what we discussed (this is the longest post in history, hopefully you’re still with me here).

First off, I don’t know about you, but when I come across a really hard situation in my life where I know I need to step up and do the right thing, even though it may cost something significant (in Jacob’s case, it was his life), I always make sure there is a way out. A Plan B. An easy escape if things get too hard or risky. I’m not talking about things like holding the door open for an elderly person. I am talking about big things. Things that might not fit your personality. Things that stretch you to your limits. Things like getting on a plane and flying to a country that doesn’t allow the Word of God beyond it’s borders and serving people there with the love of Jesus.
Before Jacob called it a night, he sent all the people that were with him ahead and told them that he would be behind them. He would meet up with them later. I have heard a lot of people say that they think Jacob was praying. He needed time alone to get his thoughts together. Maybe they are right, I don’t know. I wasn’t there and I’m not Jacob, but my assumption is that he was scared shitless. This dude stole his brother’s birthright and his brother would have had every right to kill him for it. I think Jacob sent everyone ahead so that it would be easier for him to leave if he felt the need. He didn’t have the accountability around him anymore. This was his Plan B.
I think this is also why God came down and wrestled with him. First off, it was a distraction. Jacob can’t leave when God is going all MMA on him. Second off, it proved how much Jacob really wanted to make amends. How much he really wanted God to bless him. Do you realize how huge this is??
I think it is absolutely incredible that no one defeated the other one. God may have hurt Jacob’s hip in the process but did that stop Jacob? No. God told Jacob to give up already. Just give in. And you know what Jacob said? “Dude, Hell no. I’m not letting go until you bless me”.
So God did. He gave renamed him Isreal and he blessed him right there.

Had I been Jacob in that situation I think I would have surprised myself. I think I would have been like “Did I really just do that?? Seriously?” But it shows that when we want something bad enough, we fight for it. And sometimes I think we don’t realize just how bad we want something until it comes down to some mad crazy kung fu skillz. And when it is something that will bring God honor, he supports us. He blesses us.

So all of this is to say that God wasn’t being mean and obnoxious when he went down there and decided to pick on poor little Jacob. He was doing him a huge favor. He was making sure history went according to His plan.

The End.

I am not allowed to be around animals that are up for adoption ANYMORE.

Let me introduce you all to Rudy/ Lucifer / Diablo / Beelzebub / Kevin. Rudy is such a sweet name for this demon of a cat. I mean, I like him. Don’t get me wrong. But do you realize how RUDE he is? Last night, I was passed out. Completely asleep. Apparently my foot was sticking out from under my blanket because all of a sudden something tried eating my big toe. The Devil wanted to rip it right off of my foot. Why? I think it’s because he was jealous of Ace getting to sleep up next to me in his normal spot. Satan wanted it. So he ate my toe.
So what happened for me to bring home this random kitten? Well, I went to PetsMart to look at fish. I got inspired by an interior design store in Tulsa and decided that I wanted a big huge bowl of goldfish as a centerpiece on a tablethingy I made a long time ago. Do you realize how awesome it would have looked? Freaking awesome. Anyway, in order to get to the fish section, you have to pass by the cute whittle kitties that are up for adoption. I have been thinking about getting another cat but I kept talking myself out of it. Anyway. I went in the little room and there was this adorable little gray kitten who crawled up in my lap and batted at my hand and chased a feather and purred and meowed. How was I supposed to walk away from that?? Especially when he reminded me a little bit of Sam. Ugh. After having him in my home for less than 24 hours, I have learned that he is a BIG FAT LIAR. This cat is not sweet. He is a bitch. So I have an A-Hole and a Bitch for cats. I know it seems like I am complaining but honestly? I think it’s way more fun that way.
So. Instead of walking out with fish, I walked out with a 7 month old kitten named Kevin (obviously we aren’t sticking with that name).

You know, this is kind of wierd, but he really resembles Randall a little bit. Randall is the Prez of the company I work for and he likes to argue with me way too much.

Dear Friends:
Rudy/ Lucifer / Diablo / Beelzebub

Randall:

So maybe I should just name the cat Randall? I’m seriously thinking about it. Your help in this dilemma of mine would be greatly appreciated. And just for shits and giggles, her is Acey-PooBear just because I love him so much.

A Dating Handbook for Those Who Don’t Read Between the Lines: Second Edition

Last May I wrote a blog stating my frustrations with dating and what men do that annoy the crap out of me. Well friends, it has been eight months and I have decided that it’s time for some new guidelines… new suggestions, if you will.

1.) In the first post, I mentioned something about texting. My friends, I am going to mention this again. PICK UP THE PHONE AND DIAL THE NUMBER! Please? Every once in awhile? Us ladies love the sound of a nice manly voice. I will agree, sometimes texting is much more convenient and I am in love with it. However, isn’t it much easier to plan something when you can both have a chance to state your opinion verbally? Instead of waiting on a text message to come through that will tell you whether you are smoking crack for wanting to see that movie or not? So choose wisely when you are sending that text message. Ask yourself: Am I making plans? Am I wanting to have a very long conversation about how both of our days went? Does her cell phone plan limit her text messages per month? If you answer ‘yes’ to those questions, DO NOT START TYPING. Just pick up the phone and call her. I guarantee she will appreciate that much more, unless she is 15. And if you are above the age of 18, that is pretty illegal. Good luck not getting caught by her parents.
You ARE allowed to text her for the following reasons:

• You both went out on a date and you want to make sure she knows you had a fantastic time.
• It’s the middle of the day and you just want to say hi real quick, even though you know she is at work. She thinks things like that are cute and sweet.
• She texts you because she is excited about something (like the fact that the restaurant she is at wraps leftovers in a swan made out of foil). You can text her back and be excited with her. 
• You are with other people and you want to tell her something but you don’t want the others hearing. That’s cute as well.

2.) Men think they know what they want. And you know what?? They do! Men know what they want! And when they want it bad enough, they chase after it. However, most men cannot put into words what they want. The other day I asked a friend what he wanted in a girl and this was the conversation we had:
 
Him: “I want three things. They have to be pretty, love sex, and love movies”.
Me: “What if she is dumber than dirt but she has those other three ‘qualities’, if that’s what you want to call them?”
Him: “That won’t happen. I don’t date girls who aren’t intelligent.”
Me: “Well then they have to be smart for you to date them! That’s FOUR things. You need to analyze this a little better.

See what I mean? It’s all so cut and dry to most of them. They know what they want enough to not date someone who has no brains, but they don’t know how to say “She has to be intelligent in order for her to be dating material”.
Women on the other hand? We know what we want too. But the way we explain it is very complicated. Just because we explain it in a complicated way however, does not mean it has to be hard to understand. This is what we want (by we I mean that this is an example of what I want… which is pretty much universal): Confident but not cocky. Good hair. Good shoes. Funny but not lame. Nice but not so nice that people walk all over him. Independent but doesn’t have the ”it’s my way or the highway’ attitude. Can take care of himself but will let me step in and do something nice every once in awhile. Basically, what we want is someone who has good shoes, good hair, and has a happy medium of good and bad attributes. How hard is that? NOT HARD AT ALL. Right?
So this is the thing. Since everyone somehow seems to not understand each other, how about we fix that by being honest and actually talking(not texting) about it? Ladies, when you want something and it seems like your man has NO IDEA what you are expecting, just tell him as plain as day what you want. He’s not going to read your mind. And also remember, if you are dating someone and you see yourself putting in much more effort than he is, it might be a sign that he doesn’t like you enough to put forth the energy to keep you around. Don’t get me wrong. He might like you. But he doesn’t like you. Not enough. Not as much as you probably deserve.

3. Do not buy concert tickets as a Christmas gift. A few years ago I had a really good friend buy the girl he was dating two tickets to a Snow Patrol concert. And you know what she got him? Two tickets to the exact same Snow Patrol concert. I made fun of them and laughed at them because I thought it was ridiculous. But you know what? This past Christmas karma got the best of me. I bought tickets for someone who already had tickets to the show. Moral: Don’t make fun of people.

New Year’s Resolution / MUSIC!!!

So it’s January 2nd and I still have not made a resolution for the year. Not that I was planning to… last year I didn’t and ‘08 was one of the best years of my life. But maybe I will this year. Maybe I will set some goals for myself. I was reading some celebrity gossip (I promise, I don’t do it very often. But I am at home because I am sick and bored out of my mind, so there’s my excuse). Anyway, Cameron Diaz had the perfect resolution. So, I am going to steal hers:

“I have always had the same New Year resolutions: to stop smoking, to start wearing a bra and to stop shopping.”

Just to let you know, I do in fact wear a bra. But sometimes I don’t… but that’s only when I am sitting at home. Or when I take Joey outside and it’s dark. So I don’t feel like I need that to be a resolution of mine, but it’s funny so I’m leaving it alone.

I have been sick for the past four days (today’s date is January 3rd, not the 2nd.I started the post on the second but I am just now finishing up these three paragraphs. Maybe I should make a resolution of “STOP PROCRASTINATING AND FINISH WHAT YOU START, WOMAN!”) and today I actually got a burst of energy. I have been exhausted and lazy and bored the entire time so to actually get up and decide to clean was a major big deal. I tried to yesterday but after I vacuumed a corner of my living room and picked up some clothes off the floor, all I wanted was a nap. So depressing! Anyway, while I was going through some of my cd’s, I found a sample cd from Paste Magazine. On it is a band called Mr. Gnome and, my friends, they are fantastic! I wanted to post a couple of their videos for you to watch, and we can consider this my first music post of 2009.
Obviously, since I am sitting here writing about how awesome these guys are, that means I got distracted and my kitchen probably has grown little green and purple elves under the sink. Little elves that are eating the brand new bag of chips I opened and then left on the counter so they could just become stale and gross. And then when I clean it, the elves are going to get pissed off. And tonight, while I am sleeping, they will come and tie me to my bed with some string they never leave home without and then I will wake up and wonder why I am tied down. Then I will look around and see that these cute little elves cleaned my apartment for me! And the only payment they will require is that I leave another bag of chips open on the counter. And maybe this time some old milk?
I think I can handle that.

Wait. What???

Night of the Crickets:

Pirates (this video is a little rough around the edges, but I love the song, so deal with it)

On answering the phone

Last night I was talking to Justin and I just want to bring some things to your attention. First though, here is the conversation we had in a nutshell:

Me: So what are you doing for New Years?
Justin: I’ll probably be asleep by midnight.
M: I’m gonna call you then.
J: There’s this awesome thing about cell phones, you can put them on SILENT.
M: I answer your calls when I’m asleep.
J: That’s because you live for your phone to ring.
M: You’re implying that I have no life, I am lame, and all I do is sit around and wait for my phone to ring. Sometimes people call and I don’t want to talk, so I let it go to voicemail. Other times someone calls and I want to talk, so  I answer. Take it as a compliment!
J: I do! But if you’re busy, don’t answer. I would rather leave a voicemail telling you to call me back rather than listen to you tell me that you have to call me back later.
M: Fine. I didn’t know this was an issue.

Today I randomly picked up the phone and decided to call him. Just to say hey. You know, whatever. This was the conversation:

J: What’s up?
M: Nothing, what are you up to?
J: Sitting at the baggage claim at the airport.
M: So you want me to let you go?
J: Yeah, can I call you back later?
Me: SURE!

Moral of the story?
Justin breaks his own rules.

This is so boring I can’t even think of a good title

Do you know how many posts I have started and then never finished in the past couple of weeks? A lot. That’s how much. I have no idea what to write about… there isn’t really anything too exciting going on for me. Actually, I take that back. There are a few things that I am super excited about, but some of those things are not ready to be disclosed on my blog yet .

My Christmas was absolutely amazing. You know what I did? Nothing. Except I DID get to go shopping for people, which, if you know me, you know that this is something I LOVE. The only things I hate about it are standing in line and trying to walk down the same aisle with your shopping cart while someone is coming at you with theirs. It’s like that one game I used to play when I was little… there would be two of us on a balance beam and then you would grab hands and see who would knock the other person off. What’s that called? I can’t remember for the life of me right now. But I always lost because I was always too nice to push the other person off. And to this day, when I am forced down a tiny aisle with a huge basket and someone else is forcing their way through, chances are I will smile, say excuse me, turn my basket around while attempting to not knock everything off the shelves, and avoid the situation entirely. I do not do well shopping in crowded areas.
But besides all of that, my favorite part about this past week was watching my parents and my sister open their incredibly random gifts from me. You want to know what I got my sister??? Yes?? Well. It’s a waffle maker. But not just any waffle maker. This dude makes waffles in the shape of ROSES. I thought it was the coolest thing I had ever seen, and only someone like my sister and I would appreciate such a random invention.

As a gift to myself I went ahead and bought new furniture over the weekend. I have a friend who is getting married soon and next month he is moving into his first apartment in Tulsa. When I bought my furniture a few years ago, he called dibs on it if I ever wanted to get rid of it. So last week I called him up and asked if he was still interested. Forty-five minutes later, the dude was at my apartment testing out how comfy the couch and love seat were and then he claimed them. So, I was kinda forced to get new stuff. Once it is delivered (hopefully tomorrow or Wednesday) I will take some photos and upload them. I am pretty dang pumped about getting some new stuff in here. I spent all day yesterday rearranging and reorganizing. I pulled out every single one of my books and actually put them out on my bookshelf and I even put them in alphabetical order according to the author’s last name. Shut it, I used to be a librarian. It just makes sense.

New Years is coming up and I plan on celebrating by watching Marley and Me with Kari and then heading over to my new regular hangout spot and having a few drinks with some new friends of mine. I probably won’t write again anytime soon, just because I am boring. So I hope you all had awesome holidays with your families and have a great New Years!

A random, precious find

Back in 2006, I was sitting at home because there was a ton of snow on the ground. I was bored out of my mind and put this little video together. So just a second ago I was sitting at my desk and Til Kingdom Come by Coldplay came on my Pandora. Immediately I remembered this video, and I thought I would post it for you guys to see. It’s not the best by any means, but I still love watching it and remembering all of those awesome times I had with my friends and family.

Oh, and the reason you get to watch this via Myspace is because of how smart I am. Right after I made the video, my computer crashed. Did I back anything up? No. I didn’t. But I had uploaded it to Myspace… now, almost three years later, I have NO IDEA how to get it off of there and back onto my newer computer. Suggestions? Please enlighten me since I have no skillz.

Good Times