Dear Hayley

The past year has made me realize that I want kids. I have no idea what happened to me. I have always been against having babies because I considered myself too selfish for that nonsense. When my friends had babies, I was so excited for them. I mean, they were not selfish by any means and they have made amazing parents. But me? I knew I couldn’t hack it and I never wanted to put a child through that.

Now? Screw it. I may be selfish but dammit, I want a baby. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to start your own family.

I prayed and prayed that God would make you fussy and loud and ugly. I prayed that you would never sleep and that you would refuse to eat and that you would poop your pants every 5 seconds. I was hoping for temper tantrums and bright red cheeks from screaming so much. And what happened?? YOU ARE THE MOST CALM BABY EVER. Hayley, COME ON DUDE! BE BAD! Now is your chance to throw fits whenever you want, to throw up at the most inappropriate times and on the most inappropriate items in the most inappropriate places. This is one of the only times in your life where it will be acceptable to shit your pants anytime you want! You can yell and scream and wallah! You get fed! I really needed you to take advantage of these rare opportunities. I was really counting on you to remind me that babies are annoying and not worth anyone’s time. I needed you to remind me that my shoe collection is way more important than an annoying screaming gross baby.

You are perfect in every way. Absolutely gorgeous.

I want to talk for a minute about how special your mom is. It is so weird calling her “your mom”… I feel like I should be going into one of those lame “your mom” jokes. Jokes that are so lame now, by the time you get old enough to understand them, they will be so lame you will probably cry and poop yourself. Guess what! By that time it won’t be acceptable to do that!! Are ya following me yet!?

Your mom. My sister. My best friend. She is the most amazing person in the world and I have no doubt that you agree with me, even now at three days old. I mean, that woman keeps you alive! But one day, you will need her in a deeper level than just a bottle or a butt wipe. One day you will feel like your world is crashing down all around you. You will go through things that, at the time, seem like a boulder has been put on your chest and there is no way for air to enter or exit your lungs until someone lifts that boulder off of you. Hayley, your mom will be there. And if something happens to your mom and she can’t make it fast enough, I will be there. Between the two of us, you will have constant support and love. I know this because I know your mom as well as I know myself. And the reason I know myself is because I know your mom.

Another thing I know about your mom is that she is not happy when she wakes up in the mornings, so be very careful from the hours of 6am to 12pm. However, if you decide to become brave, this is also the best time in the world to get some quality entertainment out of her. Want to know how to do this? You can be EXTREMELY chipper in the morning and start having really like totally awesome and totally fun conversations with her about how beautiful life is and how much you just love EVERYONE around you because you love their hair and that one shirt that the girl in your class was wearing and how you are planning to make your mom a big huge heart out of construction paper and glitter and red markers and then you are going to run up to her after school and give it to her in front of everyone because you just LOVE life that much and by the way you will need to know what is for dinner because you are thinking about inviting your WHOLE ENTIRE class over for the most SPECIAL meal of the day and then you want to take the leftovers to the park and feed all of the cute little squirrels and maybe the ducks and you want your mom to spin you on the tire swing and play with the puppies and then it will be time for everyone to go home and go to bed so that the next morning will come sooner and you can make the next day EVEN MORE SPECIAL AND FUN! When you do this, make sure I am there. I would like to be entertained as well.

Hay, you have got so much life ahead of you and I am so honored to be your aunt. To be able to sit and watch you grow. My hope is that you grow into an amazing woman with passion, drive, and a sensitive heart. That you are quick to give everything you have to those who may need it more than you. Someone who understands that at the end of the day, you will have only a few things and those things have nothing to do with possessions or money or power. I pray that you strive to understand God’s love for you and for those around you and I pray that you base the way you live your life on that understanding.

I’d go hungry, I’d go black and blue
I’d go crawling down the avenue
No there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love

- Bob Dylan